A BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO BEING AN ALLY

Being an ally holds more meaning than you may think. Allyship requires you to be more than a friend— you will be a continuous learner, respectful, an advocate, and an active member of the community supporting LGBTQ+ goals. As an ally, you are a member of a united pursuit to advance civil, social, and gender equality. If you are a cisgender individual hoping to become an effective ally for transgender women and the entire LGBTQ+ community, you are in the right place.

There is not a one-way path you have to follow to be an ally. Allyship can take many forms, meaning you have a variety of opportunities to help achieve a common goal, and no contribution is too small. An “ally” is just a title to describe a person that embodies the actions and attitudes of a true supporter. Your knowledge and actions all contribute to a cause greater than any one individual, as they help an entire community make progress.

Being an ally ….

BE A LEARNER

  • You are taking the first step to allyship by having an open-mind to learn. Being a continuous learner in this life means maintaining that curiosity for understanding the world around you. Even the most educated ally should maintain the mindset that there is more to be learned.
  • Within learning how to be an ally to transgender women, there is no better source than the voice of a trans person. Take each conversation as a learning opportunity to understand their unique experience, because no one has the same story. Center the voices of trans people in your discussions, whether they are present or not.
  • Apart from educating yourself with conversations, seek out information in areas that you want to learn more about. There are a variety of resources at your fingertips
  • Every piece of insight you learn has a compounding effect when you decide to share it. The best way to be an ally is to be equipped with knowledge for those around you.

BE RESPECTFUL

  • Ground yourself in the humble understanding that even if you don’t understand, you do not have to in order to be respectful.
  • As an ally, you want the people around you to feel comfortable and respected. How can you achieve this environment?
    • Be observant of the language a transgender person uses to reference themselves or other people. You can listen to the vocabulary and pronouns used to mirror their language.
    • Asking questions is the simplest way to demonstrate that you care. Questions such as, “What name should I use?” or “What gender pronouns do you use?” can go a long way to make someone feel seen by you. Don’t let the fear of awkwardness prevent you from finding clarity.
    • However, be aware of your setting and relationship with a trans person when discussing personal topics. Let the person you are speaking to lead with how much they are comfortable sharing, and ask yourself “Do I need to know this information to treat them respectfully?”
    • Know you are capable of making mistakes. If you accidentally use the wrong pronouns for someone, use the wrong name, make a generalization, or more- take a breath and know this is a part of your learning journey. The only thing you can do in that moment is excuse yourself and correct. When you approach a situation with pure intentions, your errors can never be malicious.
      • Common errors to avoid;
      • Avoid compliments or advice that are based on gender stereotypes, meaning what you think a man or woman should look like. Comments such as these may appear supportive, but they are rooted in stereotypes that make the compliment backhanded. For example:
      • “You look like a real woman!” (A transgender woman is a real woman and person, this comment implies that their identity is narrowed to how they are physically perceived.)
      • “You would look less trans if you…” (Again, centering someone’s gender identity on their physical appearance implies you are judging and comparing them to how you think they should appear.)
      • Remember that being a respectful ally means making room for other allies. You can create a safe space for cisgender individuals who want to learn to be trans allies as well. Doubts and skepticism should be met with a desire to educate, not shame.

BE AN ADVOCATE

  • Do not be scared to be outspoken. Allyship means advocating with your own voice. If you, as a cisgender person, feel like you will be judged for your advocacy, how do you think a trans woman or man feels doing the same? As an advocate, you are leveraging your societal privilege as a cisgender individual to speak up for others. As previously emphasized, continue to center conversations around the experiences and insights of trans people. You can be an extension of their voice, without taking it from them.
  • With your knowledge as an ally, you have the ability to politely correct others when they use the wrong pronouns or name for a transgender person. You also have the ability to be
  • Trans people deserve to be included, not just tolerated, in our society. In social and legal contexts, you should advocate for inclusivity where it is lacking.
  • Speaking out about trans rights

BE ACTIVE

  • Trans rights mean rights for all. Combine your knowledge of being a continuous learner, being respectful, and being an advocate, and apply it to action by being an active ally.
  • The community that you can impact most effectively is your own. Your city, workplace, school, or more groups you are part of are the first who you can directly impact.
  • One way to be active is to find advocacy groups near you, or even virtual communities.
    • Learn about policies
    • Show up in your community via elections, reaching out to elected officials,